Thankstaking.

Today was a hard day for me.
There were lots of heavy things that I was carrying.

Yes, I know that it was Thanksgiving Day for my fellow Americans.
Yes, I did attend a Thanksgiving meal put on by my in-laws.

It was still a very heavy day.

My heart was laden with recent events that have occurred in this country.
The election & watching my countrymen allow a bigot to become our leader and world representative. (The impact of this was exponentially increased by me finding out last night that one of the people in attendance at today's lunch wanted said bigot to become president - because of the party he was running in and the values associated with said party... Um...don't get me started.)
Everything that has happened and is happening at Standing Rock.
The anniversary of the deaths of Jordan Davis and Tamir Rice the same week that James Means was killed.
Reconciling the Native American blood in my veins against the holiday itself - one that is introduced to children as a happy time when natives and pilgrims shared a meal. This particular aspect of the holiday was exponentially increased by the goings-on at Standing Rock.

But, I went to a lunch with my heavy heart.
I went with my camera -- it was my security blanket and gave me something to do in the silences. It helped ease my anxiety and allowed me to flit from room to room without looking lonely or lost.
I went with the appreciation of what the day has become - a holiday in which we remember all of our blessings and the things that we have to be thankful for - a phoenix rising from the ashes of genocide and misinformed histories.
I went with my husband, knowing that those in attendance would be people who love and support me. (The Republican presidential nominee supporter got lots of side-eye...I'm not sure that anyone who wanted that man in office could love me...)
I went with the wonderful challah loaf that I had to smell him baking last night.
I went and ate (probably) too much food. I went and drank my wine and coffee and ate the pie.

I am grateful to be home, and to be going to bed soon.
I hope next year it isn't too heavy.