Last year I started going to a doctor on a regular basis for the first time since I quit my job in 2010.
I got back on my thyroid meds, and eventually started feeling better.
I hated the fact that I had gained so much weight that I weighed the most than I had ever weighed before. (Thankfully, once I got back on the meds, the weight started going down; every doctor's appointment revealed that more weight had shed away.)
At the present, I have no idea how much I weigh. I know that no more has come off. It's probably true that I have gained more. I know I still weigh entirely too much. Much too much.
I have not been to the doctor at all in 2012. I have not taken any thyroid meds since January.
Ever since my boyfriend moved in February, I learned that I am susceptible to eating my emotions, which has led to other problems.
I know that poor diet and lack of activity is causing all of this, and that my weight & feeling physically inadequate is contributing to the emotional numbness that I mentioned in an earlier post.
...but, like in that earlier post, I have no drive to do anything to change it. I know that inaction will only lead to farther and continuing health problems. I know that farther and continuing health problems could affect me later in life.
I am just having a hard time caring. My current life is less than ideal; my home situation is toxic. I have not been able to secure work to get out of this situation. I'm struggling so much, and I don't know how to get out of it. Ok, logically, I do know how to get out, but my give a damn's busted. It's hard to want to get out when you don't really have a reason. And concerning myself with my health sounds kinda selfish. I don't know. It doesn't make sense, and I know that. But I don't care.
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