Over

Yes,  the holidays are over.
There was food and wine and company and laughter and, of course, there were presents.

My kraft paper wrapping with red and white accents went over great. 

There was a mishap with a gift (got sent to 2703 instead of 2793), but that was corrected today. 

I was awkward, as usual, fumbling over myself and regretting what I said as soon as the words left my mouth.
Jake's family didn't know what to think when I mentioned our future children. They were taken aback, almost, like they didn't know what to say. 

Oh well. 

I shouldn't concern myself with it anymore: it's over with.

And it's not the only thing that is over with. 

Or soon will be. 

Every Thursday the schedules are released for two weeks' out at Target.
I went there yesterday afternoon to check mine, because one of my preggo friends was wanting to do her maternity photos on that Sunday (January 6th). 

Well, I wasn't on there. I was listed as "available but unscheduled" at the bottom of the last page, with about a dozen other names.
My cousin -- who thinks that getting up at 3 in the morning to go stock freight at a job that wastes her time because it only gives her twelve hours a week -- is getting kept on. I'm glad for her: she has twins on the way. 

But it doesn't make me feel any better about not getting kept on.
I'm living in a house that doesn't have any hot water and that barely has heat, because both the hot water heater and the furnace are broken and we cannot afford to fix or repair them.
Earlier this year, like only a few months ago, mom would drive the Buick we inherited from my dad's mom, and I would drive the Chevy that my mom agreed to purchase in better times. Well, the Buick is broken down and we cannot afford to fix it.
So, we shower in my grandma's house (whose hot water heater is also standing on its last leg) or bathe in the HH (because there is an awesome cast iron claw foot tub in there), we heat water in a pot and teakettle for dishes, and we drive the Chevy and grandma's van (when it isn't acting up, anyway). We do have a 1979 Ford Pickup, but it guzzles gas and so is not an option for driving everyday. 

We have thought about taking the hot water heater out of the HH but it is propane operated and we are set up for an electric one. 

How are we ever supposed to get out of this hole if we are not allowed to claw our way out of it? 

I know that there is a fifty-fifty chance that I am going to get the job with the police department. (Or is it 60/40 since I am one of five for three positions? Not that the minor details of that are important, but...)
I just don't know what to do if I don't get the job, honestly. 

If I did get the job, I'd buy a water heater, fix the auger in our stove, repair the furnace, and get the Buick taken care of. Then I'd give mom and dad some money to help them out of the hole, then a smaller stipend each month to keep them going. 

...but I'd move out. Be independent. Be myself again. And eventually buy a car of my own. 

I want this trying year to be over. (Three days to go.)