Since Thursday and Anticipating

{Welcome to another iteration of one of those random posts that occasionally shows up on this blog.}

I have really been into acoustic music lately.

My radio station of choice has been The Colorado Sound (found locally at 105.5, and online at ColoradoSound.org). They don't have commercials, which is one reason I haven't changed it. Also, the music they play is kick-ass. The stations features a mix of acoustic songs, old favorites (and not just from the 90's!), and new songs. Mindful of music history, they also play a song based on what happened on that day in history. (For example, on the anniversary of Johnny Cash's death, they played "Folsom Prison Blues.") 

Sometimes I'll switch to NPR's local music station
My Spotify playlists heavily feature acoustic music, and also include rock (indie, folk, mainstream) and country. I have accumulated music on personalized playlists there for the wedding, too, featuring music from all of those genres (and some not listed.)
I've also enjoyed branching out and trying new music there. Last night it was a playlist called "African  Heat" which is a collection of hits that are hot on the African continent right now. Not only was the music awesome, but, as an anthropology student, it gave me a unique perspective into various cultures around Africa. (And there were some notable themes, too.)

This weekend was a relaxing one.
I took a nap Saturday and had the windows open for most of the day. Jake was off to Greeley to watch a movie with his brother. I got photos edited and then, without much warning, went to help a friend shoot some senior photos in Greeley. Any time there is photography involved, it's a great time.
(In fact, having a camera in my hand last weekend at my bridal shower helped to calm my nerves of awkwardness.)

We were up late Saturday night and ended up sleeping in til 11 on Sunday to make up for it. (Oops.) Then we went out for pancakes as one final carb-heavy breakfast for me because I started the induction phase of Atkins today.

I managed to survive a trip to the grocery store without my anxiety/depression meds in my system. (They are far enough gone out of my system that I can tell they are gone.) It was a questionable survival -- my anxiety level rose significantly at least two times that I can remember.

And yes, you read that right -- I am starting Atkins.

I have seen success in Jake's aunt, uncle, and cousin, so I am wanting to give it a shot.
Is is a smart idea starting it with the wedding less than six weeks away? Maybe not. But if I can get to the point where I don't need the corset and the Spanx, I will be happy. I don't want to have to buy a  new dress or have more stuff done to the one I have by any means -- I don't want need to incur another expense or have alterations take more time than they are. 

I was very excited to see that you can do Atkins as a vegetarian, so long as (during induction, at least) you source your proteins from soy. I'll be doing a mix of both vegetarian and non-vegetarian options to get varying protein sources in my diet. We bought bacon, eggs, chicken, sliced ham, two kinds of tofu, lots of frozen veggies, two bags of salad mix, and a steak -- that way Jake has a variety of foods, too. He's not doing this with me, but he does have to eat the same (or similar) at-home meals that I am.

So far the induction piece hasn't been bad. I had two hard boiled eggs for breakfast and broccoli, ham, and red wine vinaigrette for lunch. I brought a bag of salad greens, four more hard-boiled eggs, and a seafood snacker in case I get peckish later. (Which I probably will because I'm feeling hungry right now.)

Friday I heard about the job. At this time they are not pursuing my candidacy for the position.
I'm honestly a bit lost -- I pictured myself there so vividly that returning to my job without the possibility of parole is a bit shocking. (And so far today we have been incredibly busy and it's felt incredibly overwhelming today.) I don't know what that means. We typically expect overwhelming busyness for the first two weeks of each semester, but we are entering week five and there is no end to the pace.
I've told my supervisor that it feels like I'm having to do one full time job and another 3/4 time job, but I'm only allowed to do 1 full time job and it's really overwhelming. I don't know how to manage this, and I'm scared to admit that.
She has said that she feels like our office is a volcano that is bubbling, and it reached the point of starting to seep out of the top. I have felt like that for a long time, and, even though she mentioned it, I feel like a failure because of it.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a place here in town to look at our finances and help us possibly reduce our debt. I hope they can help us. I don't like feeling like a failure. I'm not even sure what happened, really -- I was doing fine when I was living on my own. My bills were paid on time (maybe one or two times when I was late). One thing I know that happened is that we are dining out quite a bit because neither of us feel like cooking -- I rarely dined out when I was living alone. My meals were planned, I had portions of things in my fridge - even snacks.

Blah.

Tomorrow also brings another dress appointment.
This one will hopefully be my last one. (I still have to get that sucker cleaned, yo.)
Two of my bridesmaids are coming to see how I get into it and see how it's bustled, so they can help if my mom isn't able to help either time. (And typically I think that bridesmaids help with the bustling, anyway, but what do I know, really.)

Anyway, this is going to be one helluva ride.
Between no meds, no carbs, and lots of things to do, I'm going to be sleeping a lot and may not get a chance to update this.
(I've been treating it like a diary anyway, kinda, so maybe I'll need to make a point to make a post or two.)